Full-fledged collaboration...

Looking back...

Once I started working with Andrew Kufahl, we realized we clicked really well together. We both have a thing for creating very emotional images. Eventually, our roles weren't as clearly defined (me = model, Andrew = photographer/model)...we both started throwing out ideas and developing them into actual shots, feeding off of each other. These are a couple of shots that I started giving some slightly more feedback on than usual...

For the image "Looking back..." I believe Andrew and I were itching to shoot, but were running short on time. We talked about a tiny seed of an idea, started setting it up, and eventually got something we felt had the emotion we were looking for. This was not long after the hair incident, so I was still not fully comfortable with my look... but the overall emotion we got here, completely happy! 

Two forms of misdirection...

I had a really vague idea one day... and I told Andrew about it... I wanted something with two people lying on the steps, in opposite directions... the guy holding onto the girl's leg... I had no idea what I wanted it to mean, I didn't know how to safely accomplish this, I didn't have a clue about lighting or wardrobe or makeup. This is some of the stuff Andrew gets to deal with-me throwing out a really vague idea, not knowing squat about it, and him having to jump in to create something off of that... trying to figure out what my vision is, even if I don't fully know it! This photo, "Two forms of misdirection..." was challenging for so many reasons. Obviously Andrew had a project on his hand with simply trying to make sense of what little detail I could give him. On top of that, we had to figure out how to light this thing and wardrobe/styling/hair... We didn't have many options on us at the time.. but we thought it would be neat to go with something fairly plain, beige... since this concept was sort of "out there"... we thought it would be neat to pair that with a very "blah" appearance so perhaps the viewer has to search a little bit. I'm not sure I can tell you the details of the wardrobe without getting in trouble with Andrew. It was funny, I'll leave it at that! We decided to have the woman face down, for a little extra weirdness... We wanted longer hair, so it could be messy and add more interest. Eventually we were ready to shoot. Andrew got the camera ready, I started to get into position...and then we realized another much larger issue to deal with... It would be impossible for me to lay on the steps like this! They were steep and slippery. I'd have to kneel on the steps (quite the sight to see!) until Andrew could run up to his spot, get into his pose, grab my ankle, give me the ok, and then I had to go limp... But Andrew had to watch out that he didn't slip, or press up against the wall (it would ruin the feel of his pose)... There was a lot of strength, timing and trust involved! I had a different shoot the next day, and I'm not sure "rug-burn face" was the look the photographer was interested in. Thankfully we avoided that. ;) 

Here and There...

This next image turned out far more powerful than I could have imagined... it is so simple, yet the emotion always gets me. This was another vague idea... What I really love about it is that the darkness has swallowed us up, and although we are in similar poses, the details of each give such different emotions. Andrew wrote an incredibly moving poem inspired by this image that I will include a bit later. The image is called "Here and There..." The biggest challenge of this shot? My allergies to cats. We were actually sitting on a large chair at Andrew's house, that happened be a favored spot by his adorable, fluffy cat. We wrapped up the shoot and I had to run out of the house, and make the 45 minute drive home for medication so I could resume normal breathing. 

I had done my own self portraits, and I had modeled for various photographers, but I had not collaborated in this way before. I had felt I was in a creative rut after the haircut... as strange as that may sound... my look didn't inspire me, and I didn't feel like being in front of the camera. Working with Andrew had opened up a new creative outlet. I love his style, and I trust that any idea I have, he'll be able to make it come to life. That trust, that's huge... for an artist to give up their ideas to another artist can be quite risky since we all see the world so differently. I think it helps that we see photography in a similar way and have clicked so well. He's always seen me as an equal, and welcomed my ideas. And every idea I've shared-no matter how big or small or vague or ridiculous, he's respected, kept safe, and turned into a beautiful piece of art.  

This is the poem Andrew wrote to accompany the photo "Here and There..." A piece of art in itself...

Here and There...
=======================
In deep darkness I found you.
Under rocks...
in crevices...
a drop of rain underneath the bark of a dying tree...
but there I was.

In the absence of light I found you.
Nothing lit the way...
no sound to follow...
a silent scream in the night under the cover of bed sheets...
but there I was.

In the presence of pain I found you.
The fuel for your tears...
bone grinding on bone...
when you thought nobody understood the hurt you withstand...
there I was.

In your lonely prison I found you.
Behind bars...
cold concrete floors...
the arms that embraced your shattered soul, are no longer just your own...
because there I am.

...there I am.

I am blind right beside you.
My hands fumble in the night with you.
Without eyes we can't see,
but I see you...
and you see me just fine.

I hurt deep inside with you,
and scream in pain in this cell with you.
One arm is around you and the other
is picking up shards...

a piece of you...
a piece of me...
a piece of you...
a piece of me...

There's gonna be gaps,
and there's gonna be spaces...
All these pieces fit perfect no more.

But the edges that meet,
they bond tight together,
and some pieces we leave on the floor.

Here you are...
Here I am...
When it's dark can we open the door?
Here you are...
Here I am...
Take my hand and I tell you once more...

Here I am.
.
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