Where did I leave off... Oh yeah! I had hair again!

Photographer: Dan Frievalt

One of the first shoots after the "hair butchering" where I sort of had a weird realization of just how much hair I suddenly seemed to have back was with Dan Frievalt and Shanna Koltz. Dan had some new backdrops to play with and contacted me to model. You know this is going to be fun...

Alissa Kristine did some killer hair/makeup-dark and edgy, gotta love it! I got a mohawk! at the time, I didn't think much of it, except "Sweet! Let's do it!" Let me tell ya, every part of this really drove home the fact that MY HAIR WAS GROWING (I'd occasionally forget, considering the circumstances...just waiting for it to be where I had originally wanted it). It was interesting navigating myself around walls and mirrors and people, with hairspikes a foot long. And don't even get me started on the drive home or cleanup. Ok, ok, I HAVE hair. ;) 

Photographer: Shanna Koltz

As if the hair/makeup wasn't cool enough, Dan and Shanna went to town on creating my outfit. It has always blown my mind how good Dan was at things like this... thinking on the spot, using whatever he could find, to create an awesome look. So standing in the middle of the studio in a tank, tights and boy shorts, totally open to whatever their creative brains came up with, they went to town...wrapping me up in all kinds of stuff...leading to the rockin' chicken wire skirt. This was by no means a practical outfit. ;) 

Shanna and Dan each had their turn behind the camera... both brought something different to the table. I even got to model a few shots with another model at the shoot, the beautiful Tiffany Lavender, who also was sporting another amazing look created by Dan, Shanna, and Alissa. 

Looking through the other photoshoots around that time, I am pretty happy to see a handful of edgy shoots. 

There was the other super dark shoot with Dan: Dark, emotional, edgy, expressive...

Photographer: Andrew Kufahl

And a fun shoot with Andrew Kufahl in my basement with my guitar, purple/blonde hair, a layered outfit we put together, and a pierced lip. I loved being able to play around with my inner rock star, trying out new expressions and poses, and shooting with my guitar for the first time since my self portraits. Andrew was moving all over the place, playing around with motion, lighting and colors. With so many factors to balance, we also had to figure out one of the most important parts to a successful shoot: how to get into that "flow" with one another. It is easy to forget about that--you each have your own job, and what you want out of the shoot... you get your own idea of what you're going to do, while the other person has their own idea... it can be a disaster when no one is really "directing" anything. But that is one thing I LOVE about working with Andrew, we always seem to find that connection and flow. 

To see more from any of these shoots, check out my artist page: www.facebook.com/NFGartist 

Or for more from my shoot with Andrew, he also has the images posted on his page: www.facebook.com/AndrewKufahl

My long lost blog

For a while now, I've felt like I SHOULD get back to blogging... it had been a while... more time passed... I reminded myself that next time I had a computer with internet access, "Just jump back in!" More time passed...

There are a million excuses. But the simple fact remains, I never made my way back here. There were other priorities at the time, and I really didn't know what to write about! I've never been one who believed in forcing these things... Just like forcing a painting, if it isn't driven by passion, it will probably suck. Or if you at least have the talent, it'll be good, but will lack that "IT" factor. This blog started out as a way to tell the stories about my experiences. To document the things I've been learning. It was another creative outlet, it was for me... parts of my life, of my passion that I wanted to share. It started getting to some difficult parts of the journey, where I questioned if I'd continue with this (modeling/photography in general), I lost a lot of trust in people, and all kinds of other struggles, blah blah blah...

The honeymoon stage was over.

And where I was in real time was so very different. I was over a lot of that stuff, yet going through the photos and trying to figure out what to write about them and how to do so, to be forced to reconnect myself to those things that I had let go of and did not want to be reattached to, it was a strange and uncomfortable  place to be.

So... where am I now? vs Where did I leave off?

Now (nearly a year?!): I'm still creating. I've been fortunate enough to have a gallery show with a photographer. I have also been able to find my way back into other creative outlets, such as painting, some of which have gotten into a few shows as well. I was painting and creating like crazy, basically! The show with the photographer was wonderful and included massive prints with custom made frames. More on that later. ;) Currently, I am sorting through the mess my lack of organization skills has left me with, taking inventory on the large amount of paintings I've created over the past year or so. I'm also building displays, so I can get these babies OUT there for you to see! These particular paintings are made of upcycled materials, and I've been creating the forms of display from upcycled materials, too. It has been a lot of work, but I love it all. I have also been traveling more than I ever thought possible-trying to enjoy this while I can and eliminate excuses. Every trip is life changing. These aren't vacations, as they are usually tied in with some sort of event/workshop/shoot. But I always make time to SEE something, to explore. I'm so thankful for these wonderful experiences that continue to help me grow.

Needless to say, I have also been learning a ton about life. How wonderful, seeing as that is one of my biggest sources of inspiration!

I've had some eye opening experiences. One of the things I've realized over the past few months is just how much I truly LOVE what I do. I mean, I must love it if I'm willing to put everything I've got into it, despite any financial return...despite what other's say...despite the struggles...despite the physical, mental, and emotional pain that sometimes comes along with it...despite the loooong hours... There are times when I'll run my body into the ground to the point where I'm about to collapse out of complete exhaustion and I'll hurt for weeks--thank goodness for a wonderful chiropractor and massage therapist! Yet it all feels amazing, because I'm doing what I love. And how incredible is that?

Another realization was that I was letting other people have an effect on me and my passion... I ran into a few who wanted to ruin it for me, or who used me, or who were selfish... I continue to run into those who don't believe in this or understand it... who don't value it... who judge it and me... who miss the whole point... There are those who tell me how it has to be done, and none of it fits with how I WANT to do this. Heck, sometimes what is suggested is completely against everything inside of me! And the fact I even let that sit in my brain for a while, I can't believe it. It makes this, what I do, exhausting... it takes the fun out of it. Who wants to have to cave into "selling out" just to have a taste of what they love? I want to be proud of my work, and I have been every step of the way! But what I realized is: it is not my art that is exhausting... it isn't my modeling, or any of my work... what is exhausting is listening to those things, and letting that distract me from the core of this... and what is at the core, is the fact that I simply LOVE what I do, regardless of how other's pursue their lives/passions or think I should pursue mine. I have always had a passion to create, I still have it. And I want to continue living it.

So not that this is any excuse for neglecting my blog, but I think it was necessary to let it slip away for a while... if I am not passionate about it, it isn't fair to you... it isn't fair to me. What's the point? I have to love it and want it in order to actually DO it. It can't be forced, it can't be fake. That just isn't me.

*deep breath*

I fought to clear all the crap away, so I can see things clearly and remember what was at the core of all the past, present, and future shoots--the passion of it, the art of it...and to let go of all the crap...but you know what? That "crap" is just as valuable, as there are a lot of lessons to be learned from it. I already knew that. For some reason I just needed a reminder. And I had to learn to take it a step further: Take that crap, learn those lessons, and learn to love it just the same.

Now...Let's see where I left off... ;)

Dark, emotional, edgy, expressive...

Jumping back in time yet again to just a couple months after the big bad haircut...

Life had thrown a handful of curve balls my way, and this was one of them that effected what I was pursuing... It seems like such a stupid thing, to have to care so much about something as silly as hair... but my job was to be in front of a camera, where appearance matters. I was not shooting nearly as much as I had been prior to the cut, but was slowly finding ways to work with my look or to work around it. The emotional drama that went along with it, and dealing with everyone's questions-everyone wanted to know why and how this happened but even I couldn't answer that beyond speculation-was also draining...It made me sick to my stomach that someone intentionally did this and I had to look at it every day wondering why. I did my best to just accept it, ignore it, and keep doing what I was doing while always pushing to be better.

I had worked with Dan Frievalt a few times... He loves the dark, emotional, artsy stuff and it is complimented perfectly with his gritty rockin' style. Dan was going through his own rough patch at the time, that was also emotionally draining and involved some difficult decisions. He too was trying to just push through, to keep doing what he was doing-what he loves. We had shot recently by accident- I was supposed to assist- but Dan was still itching for something edgier, darker, more emotional... he wanted to use the same location we used in the previous shoot-it was amazing and inspiring! He pitched his idea to me. I loved it. We set a date, I picked up the necessary pieces and I met him at his house to get ready.

What I love about Dan choosing me for this project was he knew my love for dark, emotional work, and that I could deliver. The fact that I have blonde hair, and no tattoos makes me easy to overlook for something as edgy as this. But appearance does not matter nearly as much as the ability to emote. As I had learned very quickly with my hair, appearance can be changed... easily... Your ability to get into a role and make people feel deeply, that is not easy. It takes a combination of things to make a photo successful in this way...

I had bought a few wardrobe items that Dan planned to ruin. So we stood in his kitchen, I held up the wardrobe items as he attacked them with an exacto knife. Therapeutic in itself. ;) He had a few accidental cuts in unfortunate places, I wish I had photos or videos of his face! But no one was bleeding. We were pumped and would work around anything!

We talked about hair/makeup. This was unlike anything I had ever done before. This wasn't about being pretty and perfect. I'm not sure it could have been more opposite! We whipped out the black eye shadow and we darkened my eyes in a messy, raw, almost haunting way. Then Dan started with the rest of the makeup... he created what looked like bruises, cuts, scrapes, needle marks, dirt, etc. all over my exposed skin. It looked quite convincing and I was just in awe of the transformation. This beaten up look was symbolic, something we both could easily related to. This shoot was a great way to express those feelings we were dealing with. With my look complete, we were ready to roll...

We headed to our location. Excited. Once we arrived, I was reminded of how amazing this place was! There were so many beautiful spots all over the property, but we decided to stay in the abandoned house. I get pretty excited to explore these things and having someone like Dan around is perfect to balance things out...I'd say "Oh my gosh! Look at that amazing balcony!" And Dan would say, "Umm, we're not going up there... there are holes in the floor!" Thanks for keeping me from falling through balcony floors Dan! :) Although, seriously, how sweet was that?! hehe

Each room had something different. Dan scoped things out and I believe he primarily used the beautiful natural light that was pouring in... We got started. It was easy to get into character... I loved this stuff... We moved from room to room, we were like little kids in a candy shop.

We shot far later than expected, and on the way home, we talked excitedly about the whole thing. We passed a cop and suddenly Dan switched from excited to terrified, he realized he was driving a bit too fast and to top it off, we were in a construction zone. Now THAT would have been a heck of a story... I can only imagine what a police officer would think to see me in the passenger seat, looking like a beat up mess. Dan's expression was enough to make this memorable and entertaining enough. ;)

To see more from this shoot, please visit www.facebook.com/NFGartist 

To see more of Dan's work: http://www.frievaltphotography.com/ 

Reasons to use a model...

Photo by Mark Anderson, in the name of art,
personal project

While I really love the artsy kind of photography, and have a blast modeling for that style, I understand that the majority of photographers do not necessarily do that kind of work for a living... The majority of photographers are probably more focused on seniors, babies, families, couples, weddings, etc.  So... what use could you possibly have for someone like me? Why on earth would you ever consider working with a model? I bet there are plenty of beneficial reasons. :) 

When I started out doing this modeling thing, it was because someone asked me to model for them... I was just assisting for a shoot, and they had seen some of my own work, and just simply wanted me to model for them...someone who loved photography, the really artsy kind, and was simply passionate about creating. I was doing my own self portraits for similar reasons. The purpose was to create art. Purely for the sake of art.

Other photographers started to ask me to model for them. The more I modeled, the wider range of reasons popped up... Sometimes it was just for fun-maybe the photographer needed a break from their usual work to do something more laid back, or emotional, or creative, or crazy. They needed to do something totally different. 

Photo by Andrew Kufahl, his final image of his 365 project

Some were doing larger projects, like 365's.

Some shoots were totally random, completely unexpected. 

Some photographers incorporated their shoot with me into building their actual portfolio. 

Some shoots were for clothing or jewelry pieces. Or promo images.  

Others just wanted to practice...from practicing lights and technical stuff to practicing getting creative, or directing/posing people, or just being comfortable working with others. There are a million things to practice in a field like photography!

Sometimes it was a hair/makeup artist who needed a "canvas" -my face. Sometimes they just had creative ideas they wanted to try, other times it was for competitions for their craft. 

All-Star Studios, Rummele's winter
catalog cover, modeling their jewelry

I've modeled for workshops, from local ones, to out of state ones, to national ones... my purpose with these was to give students something to photograph, without them having to think so much about posing, expressions, hair, makeup, wardrobe, etc... This allowed them to focus on the technical stuff they were learning. They could focus on learning as much as possible about their camera and their field and did not need to worry about a darn detail about the subject (me). Photographers have actually been blown away with how nice it is to not have to worry about posing-because I just move. It takes some of the responsibility off their shoulder so they can worry about other things.

On a smaller level, I modeled for one-on-one lessons. This is where a photographer takes a private lesson with another photographer... My purpose for these is the same as it is for a workshop... just on a much smaller scale, usually catered to that specific student. They don't have to worry about shooting in front of others, or not being able to get a good angle because they're sharing one model with a group, they don't have to feel intimidated asking questions in front of a larger amount of people, and they can actually interact with me and the teacher more. 

Photo by Casi Lark-Sitterly at a one-on-one 

lighting workshop

Every single time I've modeled, there was some purpose for it. And I think everyone involved learned something. 

While you may not think you have use for a model, think about what you do... during a senior session or during a wedding, do you really have the opportunity to experiment? To push your work to the next level? To practice a new technique? To familiarize yourself with new gear? I am assuming your usual gig has a fairly tight time frame, and your clients have high expectations as they are expecting the most for their buck. Using a model gives you the opportunity to do all of these things in a very low pressure situation, with as much time as you need... where you can't upset a client, or screw up someone's big day, or bore the heck out of a senior. You may be great at what you do, but there is always room to learn and grow. And time/money is never wasted on something like that.

I won't go into it in detail now, but I have tried to continuously improve what I do to cater to your needs. From building a wardrobe (including clothes, accessories, shoes, belts, etc) to expanding my hair/makeup materials and skills, to practicing posing/expressions, and so on... As I mentioned earlier, I have done a bit of the photography side myself... so you don't have to worry about fumbling around with new gear, or spending time on a new technique-I won't get bored, I repeat, I WILL NOT get bored... I understand what goes into these things, and I'm there to help YOU. I've also assisted for various photographers, so I'm not afraid to set up a light stand or carry some bags, even in heels!

Photo by Mark Anderson from a themed
group photography event

When I hear people talk about ways to improve their photography... one of the first things that comes to my mind is education. It never EVER hurts to learn. Whether it is from a local workshop or statewide convention or bigger... Or a private lesson from a photographer you admire... or a college class... etc... Another option for learning is for you to simply practice, to teach yourself, to push yourself. There are various ways you can go about doing this, using a model is one of them, for all of the reasons I mentioned above. Ultimately, fine tuning your eye, honing your skills, practicing, learning the gear you have inside and out (who knows the tricks your camera can do! You may be surprised!), pushing your creativity, working on your people skills, learning about posing (you can learn a lot about this just by watching/working with a good model!), all of this will have more of an effect on your work than a new camera... or expensive lights... or any other new toy--don't get me wrong, those can be fun, and some times upgrades are beneficial, but they aren't going to MAKE you into the photographer you want to be. You need a good solid base. YOU need to be good at what you do... so YOU have control over the tools you use. 

Photo by Brandon Swanson from a photography workshop

As an art major, we had models for our painting and drawing courses. Their purpose was not for us to create an amazing museum worthy piece of work off of. Their purpose was for us to learn how to see the art elements, to practice seeing these and translating them onto the paper/canvas, to learn our medium and techniques, to learn how people move, to watch how light affects a face or body... Their purpose was for us to practice, so when we worked on our own pieces, we had more knowledge, we were more comfortable with our skills and our medium, and we knew our field better, so we had a solid base... which made our art better.

Photographer: Kara Counard ...Began as a part of her 101 Women project, 

and we just shot for fun afterwards with Seth Nayes

Some of the sketches we did of models actually were used later down the line to create more developed pieces. This is similar to when a photographer gets a little creative/artsy with a personal photoshoot. We get to put our creative spin on things and go beyond the learning process and actually MAKE art! (but only because we had that solid base) You would be amazed at the creativity you have inside of you. Exploring the creative zone is probably one of the most rewarding and fulfilling experiences I've ever had. And I thoroughly enjoy modeling for a photographer using me in this way...because I know how amazing that feels! And when you get that photograph that makes you giddy, I get just as excited. :)

To wrap this up, no matter what your style or focus is in photography, there are so many resources out there for you to help grow and become the best photographer you possibly can be. So read, take a workshop, ask a photographer for a private lesson, approach a model... and push yourself.  

If you would like to see more of my work: www.facebook.com/NFGartist 

Full-fledged collaboration...

Looking back...

Once I started working with Andrew Kufahl, we realized we clicked really well together. We both have a thing for creating very emotional images. Eventually, our roles weren't as clearly defined (me = model, Andrew = photographer/model)...we both started throwing out ideas and developing them into actual shots, feeding off of each other. These are a couple of shots that I started giving some slightly more feedback on than usual...

For the image "Looking back..." I believe Andrew and I were itching to shoot, but were running short on time. We talked about a tiny seed of an idea, started setting it up, and eventually got something we felt had the emotion we were looking for. This was not long after the hair incident, so I was still not fully comfortable with my look... but the overall emotion we got here, completely happy! 

Two forms of misdirection...

I had a really vague idea one day... and I told Andrew about it... I wanted something with two people lying on the steps, in opposite directions... the guy holding onto the girl's leg... I had no idea what I wanted it to mean, I didn't know how to safely accomplish this, I didn't have a clue about lighting or wardrobe or makeup. This is some of the stuff Andrew gets to deal with-me throwing out a really vague idea, not knowing squat about it, and him having to jump in to create something off of that... trying to figure out what my vision is, even if I don't fully know it! This photo, "Two forms of misdirection..." was challenging for so many reasons. Obviously Andrew had a project on his hand with simply trying to make sense of what little detail I could give him. On top of that, we had to figure out how to light this thing and wardrobe/styling/hair... We didn't have many options on us at the time.. but we thought it would be neat to go with something fairly plain, beige... since this concept was sort of "out there"... we thought it would be neat to pair that with a very "blah" appearance so perhaps the viewer has to search a little bit. I'm not sure I can tell you the details of the wardrobe without getting in trouble with Andrew. It was funny, I'll leave it at that! We decided to have the woman face down, for a little extra weirdness... We wanted longer hair, so it could be messy and add more interest. Eventually we were ready to shoot. Andrew got the camera ready, I started to get into position...and then we realized another much larger issue to deal with... It would be impossible for me to lay on the steps like this! They were steep and slippery. I'd have to kneel on the steps (quite the sight to see!) until Andrew could run up to his spot, get into his pose, grab my ankle, give me the ok, and then I had to go limp... But Andrew had to watch out that he didn't slip, or press up against the wall (it would ruin the feel of his pose)... There was a lot of strength, timing and trust involved! I had a different shoot the next day, and I'm not sure "rug-burn face" was the look the photographer was interested in. Thankfully we avoided that. ;) 

Here and There...

This next image turned out far more powerful than I could have imagined... it is so simple, yet the emotion always gets me. This was another vague idea... What I really love about it is that the darkness has swallowed us up, and although we are in similar poses, the details of each give such different emotions. Andrew wrote an incredibly moving poem inspired by this image that I will include a bit later. The image is called "Here and There..." The biggest challenge of this shot? My allergies to cats. We were actually sitting on a large chair at Andrew's house, that happened be a favored spot by his adorable, fluffy cat. We wrapped up the shoot and I had to run out of the house, and make the 45 minute drive home for medication so I could resume normal breathing. 

I had done my own self portraits, and I had modeled for various photographers, but I had not collaborated in this way before. I had felt I was in a creative rut after the haircut... as strange as that may sound... my look didn't inspire me, and I didn't feel like being in front of the camera. Working with Andrew had opened up a new creative outlet. I love his style, and I trust that any idea I have, he'll be able to make it come to life. That trust, that's huge... for an artist to give up their ideas to another artist can be quite risky since we all see the world so differently. I think it helps that we see photography in a similar way and have clicked so well. He's always seen me as an equal, and welcomed my ideas. And every idea I've shared-no matter how big or small or vague or ridiculous, he's respected, kept safe, and turned into a beautiful piece of art.  

This is the poem Andrew wrote to accompany the photo "Here and There..." A piece of art in itself...

Here and There...
=======================
In deep darkness I found you.
Under rocks...
in crevices...
a drop of rain underneath the bark of a dying tree...
but there I was.

In the absence of light I found you.
Nothing lit the way...
no sound to follow...
a silent scream in the night under the cover of bed sheets...
but there I was.

In the presence of pain I found you.
The fuel for your tears...
bone grinding on bone...
when you thought nobody understood the hurt you withstand...
there I was.

In your lonely prison I found you.
Behind bars...
cold concrete floors...
the arms that embraced your shattered soul, are no longer just your own...
because there I am.

...there I am.

I am blind right beside you.
My hands fumble in the night with you.
Without eyes we can't see,
but I see you...
and you see me just fine.

I hurt deep inside with you,
and scream in pain in this cell with you.
One arm is around you and the other
is picking up shards...

a piece of you...
a piece of me...
a piece of you...
a piece of me...

There's gonna be gaps,
and there's gonna be spaces...
All these pieces fit perfect no more.

But the edges that meet,
they bond tight together,
and some pieces we leave on the floor.

Here you are...
Here I am...
When it's dark can we open the door?
Here you are...
Here I am...
Take my hand and I tell you once more...

Here I am.
.
.

How to turn your bathtub into a studio...

One of the things I love about working with  Andrew Kufahl (Flickr) is that he can create fantastic artistic photos anywhere, in any lighting. Another awesome thing about Andrew is he has been interested in what goes on with the model's side of things. Both of these things came together in this shoot...

Once I had met Andrew and started working with him more, we had discussions on the importance of wardrobe/styling, hair, makeup, and how that effects a photo. On a smaller scale, we just talked about what makeup can do to a face. This is something he had already started looking into and studying a bit. Well now he had someone to practice on! So one day, we decided to have Andrew apply my makeup. We looked through pictures and books, studying how certain looks were achieved. There is a lot of art that goes into this, and with us both having some sort of art background, it was easy to dissect in that way. Andrew let me know what he wanted our look to end up like, and I gave tips on how to get that look. Because he isn't one for taking the easy route, he also decided he wanted to do all of this with color-another element to worry about!

The first eye took quite some time. There is a lot to get used to when applying makeup to someone else, and it is even more difficult for a guy to do so since he does not have the experience of having applied makeup to himself on a daily basis-or ever! He has not idea what it feels like. So Andrew of course started off quite timid, as he didn't want to cause any pain. We had to do several coats to get the values we needed for the look, and he got more and more comfortable with the feel of things. Eventually, one eye was done! It looked great. He got the shape he wanted, he got the colors he wanted, awesome. I think he almost forgot about the second eye, and he was not as excited about this one! The biggest obstacle with this part was to match the two eyes. He was surprised at how difficult that was-and with so many elements to think about, it make it even more difficult. But we got there!

We also chatted about the other types of makeup, I showed him some of my tricks to achieve certain looks -like with blush/cheeks- and let him do the other side. With my face complete, I did some quick styling with my hair. We were ready to shoot! But now what? We didn't think that far... 

We started shooting in my bathroom, where we had been doing hair/makeup. And we stayed in my bathroom-more specifically, we shot in the bathtub. Afterwards, we had to laugh because our previous model shoot (which was our first) was done in my downstairs bathroom! Looking at both these shoots, I find it hard to believe that we used bathrooms for our studio. The space is very  cramped, it isn't the best lighting, it isn't even the best backdrop! But some how Andrew was able to get some killer shots that were quite artistic and filled with emotion. It doesn't matter what you have to work with, if you have an artistic eye and a good understanding of art and photography, there are no limits.

To see more from this shoot: www.facebook.com/NFGartist and look for my "Modeling 2" album.

Problem solving and my first video project

In a previous post, I mentioned my that "butchered hair situation" forced me to work on my  problem solving skills (When everything came to a screeching halt...). I had shoots lined up that people still wanted to use me for, we just to find a way to work with this hair that no longer fits the part. One of these shoots was for the cover of Rummele's Christmas catalog which I discussed here: Rummeles Winter Catalog Cover. 

This wig came in handy for a few other shoots that I thought I'd never be able to do, such as the video project with Jason Thiel, called "He Loves Me Not." I was asked to model for this project a while back, but the character needed long blonde hair (which I had when I was asked). The time frame didn't work out for us-with when the videographer wanted to shoot and when I was going to donate my hair...and the result of the haircut took me completely out of the running for this role. I had gotten a message from Jason a few months later though, he said he just couldn't shake the thought of me as the model for this. Well, it just so happened with the new wig and extensions, I CAN have long blonde hair now! So we started talking about the details and I was officially back in. Note: all stills are from the official video "He Loves Me Not" and the outtake  video by Jason Thiel / Copper Clover Films 

This project was something totally new for me, another great opportunity. I loved the story, and I loved Jason's work. When Jason and I had met prior to the shoot, he told me he wanted to discuss what I felt I wanted out of this, what made this worth my while-something some people don't necessarily keep in mind for their models. I loved that he wanted to be sure this was not a waste of anyone's time, that he wanted to create something we could all be very proud of. In my mind, I had a ton to gain from a project like this... and I ended up getting more than I even imagined!


When shoot day arrived, it was quite cold. It had unexpectedly snowed-not a lot, but enough to mess with the idea and plan a bit, and we weren't supposed to get snow yet! The sun would be going down soon. I was wearing a thin lacy white dress, and "combat" boots with not much else to keep me warm. We were going to have to work quick! Fortunately there were a few extra hands around to keep my coat warm in between scenes and to help keep things moving smoothly. (Kim Thiel and Steve Wagner) 

There were no speaking lines in this project, it was important to show emotion in other ways, such as body language-much like I do during photoshoots. The tricky part with video is that you're constantly moving! You don't get to take a moment to get into character, to think about your poses, to find your most flattering angle, to get into an emotion, you have to jump in and keep going throughout the scene. 

I started out a bit shaky... There was a lot to get used to, and this was out of my comfort zone. On top of that, I can be a giggly person! I had always been nervous about my tendency to laugh when modeling, but because you can take a moment to recompose and there is no sound, it hasn't been a problem. But again, video is a whole different beast! I got the giggles. We all got the giggles. It was impossible not to at times. A nice group of people with a sense of humor who love what they do, I think that is bound to happen! And a man in dress shoes trying to walk down a hill that is unexpectedly covered in snow, there was no way to keep a straight face! Watch the blooper here: Blooper.


I learned so much from this project. I learned about movement, I learned things I never knew about posing and emoting. We had weather and light to combat that made us keep moving and have to make decisions quickly. I had to lay on the ground/ice at one point and my clothing actually started freezing to the ice! I love how much this project pushed me in so many good ways. And even through the challenging parts, it was truly a fun and enjoyable experience. 

Jason, Kim, and Steve were all wonderful to work with, they made sure I stayed warm and helped me learn the ropes. This was a personal project for Jason, something a bit different from his normal work, and I am honored to have been a part of making this vision come to life. Check out the full video here: He Loves Me Not. 

To see more of my work, please visit www.facebook.com/NFGartist