Who knows what it means to "catch up" anyway...

self-portrait

I started my facebook artist page and this blog well into my pursuit of modeling... since then, I've started a million other projects--working with a wide variety of photographers, in various ways... my own artwork...travels, personal projects, so many things. I'm still in "catch up" mode with the blog and facebook, posting photos from past shoots, writing up blogs about the experiences. It can be overwhelming to look at how far I have to go yet while I'm constantly adding to that list, real time.

Every "free" moment, I try to go through my mental "to do" list, or one of the thousands of hard copy lists lying around... often times in moments like this, I remind myself to continue updating the artist page/google+/blog. I find myself feeling bad about being so far behind... and when I can't get back to updating things for a month or two, I feel even worse...

Lately, I've been overflowing with ideas... They've been pretty non-stop... So now, not only do I have real life and my massive "to do" list, but I'm also I drowning in new ideas and projects. Oh the pressures of time! But you know what? I actually love when this happens. It is such an amazing feeling to feel like you're limitless in some way. When you can't even get a decent night of sleep because you're constantly waking up having to jot things down--or the ideas are flowing so well, you can't even attempt to fall asleep! The other day, cutting the lawn, I came up with three ideas... I almost couldn't stand waiting to complete the job, I needed to write these things down!

The creative zone is one of my favorite places to be. Loading up that "to do" list with things I love doing is not a burden...it is a wonderful thing... And a great reminder that I obviously still have this passion.

So how silly of me to feel behind on the blog and facebook, when I can't even keep up with myself real time... I know eventually I'll get back to them, they aren't crucial, and they aren't going anywhere... but I am. ;) And this constant flow of creativity is going to see that I keep moving!

self-portrait

Life lessons and pretty pink flowers

...and so what if I would fall, for you...

Photographer: Andrew Kufahl

So far in the blogs, I have caught up to the photoshoots that occurred in 2012. I know I'm still so far behind. 2012 was a doozy of a year... 

Last year, I stopped blogging about this schtuff... I hit a few road blocks (read more here)... I don't think I was ready to talk about some of what happened, or to have to relive it, for various reasons. Within the past month or two, I have started writing again (Where did I leave off?, Kiddie camera, Live hair and makeup competition in Chicago, If only you could have seen this process..., Counting Crows CD Cover contest, Circus Nerve art show), and I have been soaking up some great lessons while enjoying these images and experiences. 

But now, to be honest, I feel I'm dragging a bit... 

Some of that could be life stuff that is happening now. But I think I'm also thinking too far ahead again... there are so many shoots to catch up on, it is a little overwhelming at times, yet that is silly as I chose to start this blog and no one is pressuring me to continue. So let's keep the ball rolling!

I think I am also a tad hesitant to continue with 2012, since as I mentioned, it was a doozy... one of the most difficult years of my life. What a crazy rollercoast ride of a year...

This next shoot was heavily influenced by what was going on in real life at the time. It was a good one for me, and was inspired by a lesson that never hurts to remember before it is too late. So I'm reminding myself of this, in 2014.

It was all so clear...

Photographer: Andrew Kufahl

Andrew Kufahl was the photographer. We were both having a very difficult year. To sum it up, we both had been losing people who we cared about, too many, and it happened so quickly. It was a heartbreaking year, to put it mildly, yet we also had some really amazing moments involving travels and larger projects (stay tuned!). We had really connected with our work, and had been working together more and more. We were constantly coming up with ideas and wanting to grow as individual artists and as a team. It was interesting that we were both dealing with such heavy things in life at the time, while I would never wish that on anyone, I think it helped us to know there was someone else going through something similar. And our work really helped us.

It was a struggle to know how to keep going through what seemed to be an endless streak of losses, and sometimes we didn't want to. But sometimes, we were able to have things like this shoot, which helped remind us to appreciate every single second that we have RIGHT NOW. Sometimes that was enough to help pull us through. 

It was April or May, I can't quite remember the exact date. A tree in Andrew's yard was in bloom. He told me how he tried to photograph it as often as he could. The flowers didn't last long but he looked forward to it every year. He expressed wanting to continue photographing it, trying to find new ways to capture the beauty. We decided to use it as a part of a model shoot. We had a few things we've been wanting to try out anyway-like some simple styling and whatnot, mixed with emotion of course. It was a great opportunity. 

The petals were already starting to fall. A reminder of how quickly time could pass us by, and time was our of our control. We could only control how we used this time... so we made the time to jump in and play. 

This tree smelled incredible. The petals sprinkled down gently, quietly. The color was so soft and comforting. To be IN that, and to FEEL that, was wonderful inspiration. 

We got lost in our own little world of soft pink flowers that were falling right before our eyes..

Andrew had expressed some of his thoughts beautifully about this shoot that I would like to reshare, along with the BTS snapshot we captured. 

======================

Andrew Kufahl:

The two types of inevitable things...

======================

Petals...

from a flowering tree...

lying on the sidewalk...

There are things in this life that are inevitable and known. It was inevitable, under normal circumtances, that the tree in my yard would flower... the flowers would lose their petals... crabapples would soon follow... and so-on throughout the summer... until winter comes and takes it all away until next spring/summer.

There are things in this life that are inevitable and unknown. It is a fact, that people will pass away. In this last year alone, I've lost 4 people that had some level of significance in my life. 3 of those people, have passed away in the last 3 weeks... 2 of those people, passed away this past Sunday. It was inevitable, because we all will go one day... but it is unknown, when our time will be. This has caused me, as it does most people, to do a lot of reflection and evaluation of my life. Am I taking for granted, the people that are in my life? Am I loving enough? Am I helping enough? Is my path in life too selfish? And I could go on, and on, and on...

The flowers on the crabapple tree are not there for very long. It's important to me, that when I see them about to bloom, I look at it everyday. That I enjoy the visual beauty of it... the smell of it... and even to touch it. I try to appreciate it as much as possible, because soon it will be gone.

I'm trying to do a better job of appreciating the people that are in my life. It is a difficult task, because I have been a selfish person for far too long. But I see these people in my life, most especially the ones that have passed... and I would like to go back and appreciate them more... see them more... hug them... and let them know how much I cared about them.

Don't let the petals fall before you realize you've missed the beauty of what was right there in front of you...

I'm writing this for myself... and I'm writing it also for some people that are close to me who have experienced too much loss in such a short period of time. We all know that it isn't fair when they are taken from us... But these words are to remind us that we know this will happen... it's inevitable... it's just not known when. Don't find yourself saying "I wish I would have"... instead, say "I'm glad I did".

======================

While we played around with some superficial things like hair, clothes, accessories, lighting, we were very much in tune with this beautiful tree and with the moment. We tried to cherish every part of it. And I'm so thankful that through our mode of expression, we were able to capture this experience and lesson through images, and that I get to relive something like this again, a couple years later.

To see more from this shoot: www.facebook.com/NFGartist or www.facebook.com/AndrewKufahl

CLOWNS!

A local artist invited Andrew and I to be a part of a show. The theme was "Circus Nerve"... hmmm...cue the brainstorming.

We came up with several ideas, but were only able to try a couple due to time constraints.

Andrew and I decided to knock two of the ideas out of the park one night. One involved me as the model, the other involved just him. Mine was going to be silly, his was going to be more on the somber side.

We shared makeup and the bathroom mirror at my house. He helped me crimp my hair. Both shots were going to take place in this bathroom as well. Interesting how the bathroom gets used so often in our shoots... Such a simple, small space.

We didn't have a whole lot of wiggle room for my shot--it involved water, which would screw up the makeup after just a couple shots. So while prep seemed to take a long time, we knew the actual shoot would fly by,

Fortunately that one wrapped up nicely. It was quite a bit different for me! Check out the sneak peak of my makeup... This one has not been released online at this point, as we wanted to keep it exclusive for the show.

Andrew's shot went smoothly as well. And it was fun to watch him do his makeup. ;) This one has not been released online either, so I can't share the final image with you. But keep an eye on his page or my page, just in case we release it in the future! ;)

One of the other ideas, we came up with needed two female models. Last minute, our second model was forced to cancel on us unfortunately, though understandably. Thankfully, there was another model that was nearby, who we have been wanting to connect with for a while now, Tammy. She responded quickly, I pieced together  wardrobe, and met her to start on hair/makeup. We each did our own look. This was our chance to try something crazy with the circus theme. I went for a clown mohawk. One of the craziest hairstyles I've done on myself yet, I think! Tammy rocked the 'fro, with some added color (dyed wool I had lying around).

The ultimate goal was a dark image though we had a few variations we wanted to try. We'd have to jump in and see what we could get with the time available.

After Tammy and I had our hair complete, we went to Andrew's to take care of makeup... since there was a chance Andrew would be the third model, we all wanted to be on the same page with the direction of the makeup.

The face paint Andrew and I had was causing some "issues" again (remember the green baby poop that was supposed to be gold?). Tammy had flawless nice theater makeup. We had to figure out which direction to take them. We decided to embrace the messy--as cleaning up two messy faces would be much more difficult than messing up one pretty face. ;)

We tried our first set up with just Tammy and I, to warmed up and get into the groove. Later, Andrew got into the mix. We really didn't know how or if any of these would in fact turn out, but the only way to find out is to give it a shot! Thankfully Tammy was very understanding of this and willing to play along.

Time was flying by, it was getting late, and we had one other idea we wanted to attempt--but it was going to be a HUGE experiment. Tammy was up for it, so we gave it a go. I won't go into detail on this one, as it didn't exactly turn out and was not released.

We ended up entering the first two images we took (in my bathroom) as they were fully complete in time for the deadline. It was awesome seeing how other artists interpreted the theme in various mediums at the show! Very lively artwork.

Since then, we've also displayed these pieces at a few other locations around town. Keep an eye out!

Stay tuned to www.facebook.com/NFGartist or www.facebook.com/AndrewKufahl for BTS images or the potential release of the two images featured in the Circus Nerve show. ;)

Counting Crows CD cover contest - 4 photoshoots

Photographer: Andrew Kufahl
CD Cover shoot #1

Andrew Kufahl and I stumbled across a contest for the cd cover of the Counting Crows' newest album. We realized they may be looking for something more graphic design based, but we thought we'd give it a shot anyway. We knew we'd have fun and get something good regardless!

We were given a title and a couple preview tracks to work off of.

 We got to work brainstorming.

We had some big ideas, but due to the time we had available, we wanted to just jump in with something a little smaller scale to test out the waters, try a few techniques, get warmed up. We started at my house.

I think it was the very next day after shoot #1 that we found out they changed the album name. None of our ideas fit with this new title, unfortunately, so we returned to the drawing board...

The new title was "Underwater Sunshine"...and then later on, they threw in an alternate title. Talk about having to roll with it!

Photographer: Andrew Kufahl
CD Cover shoot #2

Again, we came up with a large amount of ideas.

We started with ideas that were not literally underwater. A while back, we purchased some face paint that we were waiting to use for the right idea. We decided this was the time--I'd paint my face gold (like sunshine!) and would style my hair in a sunshiney way, as well...those were all the details we had figured out...

I opened the paint and smeared a little on my face. Oh dear. This was not gold at all! This looked more like baby poop green! ON MY FACE! Gross. We debated for a while. And had to laugh. For some reason we thought there would be a chance that this color would improve if we continued applying it, or that we could figure out a way to photograph it that was better looking that what we were seeing right now...

A little ways into the shoot, the power in Andrew's house went out. Unexpected... I got a little freaked out, I don't know his house well enough to navigate in the dark! Not to mention I was not finished spreading this grossness all over my face. AND I still had hair.

Photographer: Andrew Kufahl
CD Cover shoot #2

Andrew problem solved by setting up one of his lights, using one of his battery packs. Sweet deal. And better lighting than before. ;)

Eventually, the power returned, and I finished my look. I had created spikes with my hair, like sun rays--which sort of made me look like the Statue of Liberty...a sick Statue of Liberty... I'm still not sure how I was able to make them stick out!

We started shooting. And as usual, felt the need to modify, to build. We wanted more layers. We played around with a few ideas. We stayed in the bathroom for the most part and used what we had.

I will spare you the details of cleanup. It wasn't fun, or easy...let's just leave it at that. But worth it! These shots looked almost painterly!

Several of our other ideas involved actually being underwater. How could we do this in winter? I had done an underwater shoot a while back, in a pool with a viewing window. We weren't sure this would work for us however, as we wanted to be able to communicate and make changes quickly. And I didn't need to be in THAT deep of water for some of these.

It hit me later than it should have: my parents have a hot tub! While it would be quite cramped for both of us and a camera to be shooting in there, and again, it was winter, it was easy, affordable and we would have no time constraints.

Photographer: Andrew Kufahl
CD Cover shoot #3-4

We ended up doing two full days of this. The first day was below freezing. If you popped your head up past a certain point over the water, you'd turn to ice. That made it difficult for Andrew to get out and adjust lighting-though he did it anyway while I scolded him about frostbite.

The second day we shot in the hot tub, it was almost spring like weather. What a difference! This may sound perfect, but in both situations, I was wearing clothes in the water, and the water was heated--to be comfortable for those in swimsuits outside. I had problems with constantly overheating. When it was below freezing, it was difficult to cool off without icing up. When it was spring weather it was difficult to cool off because the air was not cool enough. We had to be sure to constantly hydrate.

These shoots lasted hours and hours. Our skin was wrinklier than ever, our eyes burned, but we were lovin' it! We got so many awesome shots! And we just wanted to keep going. However, the contest had a deadline and it was approaching quickly. We still had to choose our entries, and turn them into a cd cover-including text.

Photographer: Andrew Kufahl
CD Cover shoot #3-4

As Andrew edited images, we'd make our selections and print off a rough draft. I hung them on his living room wall. We'd stand there and stare, analyzing which stand out the most...what would stop us when flipping through cds at the store... which ones communicated the title best... We loved all of them for various reasons, so it was a difficult task!

Eventually we made our choices. I messed around with the text for the cover, and we submitted them.

While we did not win--most entries were graphic design based as predicted, a that is what they chose--we walked away with some amazing experiences, great memories, and images to be proud of. Four different shoots for this project, and we wouldn't have hesitated to do more if time had allowed.

To see ALL of our entries (5 total) and a few other images from these contest shoots, check out my artist page: www.facebook.com/NFGartist or  Andrew's artist page: www.facebook.com/AndrewKufahl 

If only you could have seen this process...

Photographer: 

Andrew Kufahl

I had some lights in my bathroom that had chains connected--it was neat. I always liked it. There's got to be something that can be done with this, someday, photographically, I always thought.

That was the beginning.

And the day to use it was approaching. Years after moving in. After tons of self portrait shoots. After turning these lights on day after day. Waiting for the pieces to fall together... After meeting the talented Andrew Kufahl...

Andrew Kufahl and I had the itch to create. And we finally found the time to do so. We wanted to do a model shoot-these are quite different from the concept shoots. We wanted to play with lighting, techniques, poses, expressions, hair/makeup, etc. We wanted to practice getting into a flow with one another, feeding off of each other, letting the shoot turn into whatever it happens to turn into, and we shoot until we've got nothin' left. We wanted to simply PLAY and create.

Photographer: 

Andrew Kufahl

I had an idea for hair/makeup-a lot of my self portraits stemmed from some sort of vague idea, like a really vague hair/makeup idea. I wanted to use this gold headband, and style the hair around it...That's all I knew. I wasn't sure how... As I mentioned, I start with very vague ideas sometimes, but once we committed to doing a shoot, I rolled with it real time, getting Andrew's feedback along the way.

Oh how I wish there was behind the scenes video of this shoot! I don't know if there's ever been a goofier set up in my experience-for me as a model, or for the photographer.

I climbed on top of my bathroom counter, straddling the sink. I had to squat or bend some how, to avoid the ceiling. My space was quite limited. Making this look good was going to take some effort! As silly as it sounds, it was completely necessary due to the position of the lights/chains that inspired us to begin with. I was set!

Photographer: Andrew Kufahl

What's even better was the position Andrew needed to be in.

He wanted to be around my height. How could we do this in a bathroom? There wasn't much room to bring anything in to help him out.

So without a second thought, Andrew climbed onto the toilet--my toilet seat was quite flimsy, and I'm renting...we don't need to break anything... so the seat cover and seat had to be up. Yes, Andrew was balancing on  an open toilet, while holding a camera (above toilet water) and dealing with lights and chains and angles, oh my.

We added a few more chains for depth and interest.

Photographer: 

Andrew Kufahl

I wanted to push my expressions again. He helped me push 'em. Look! We even got a smile! We wanted PRETTY, but we still wanted emotion as that is a huge part of our work-our work together and our work individually.

It was awesome getting into the groove of things. I have no idea how we were able to make it work so well. While the we didn't have much space, and we couldn't move very much, and none of this was terribly comfortable, the shoot felt limitless.

When I saw some of the final images, I was blown away. I'm pretty sure with the first image, my response was just pure awe of how pretty it was... I couldn't believe that was ME! These were some of the prettiest images I have ever seen! And the prettiest I have ever felt! That seriously can't be me... And the colors! All while we straddled a toilet and a sink.

To see more of these images, check out my artist page: www.facebook.com/NFGartist or Andrew's artist page: www.facebook.com/AndrewKufahl

LIVE Hair and makeup competition, Chicago

Ok. I'm just going to talk honestly about this experience. This is not to complain about anything or sound down on myself. Just raw honesty.

I was asked to model for a hair/makeup competition in Chicago. Holy crap.

It was a live event, with judges, models, and some really amazing hair/makeup people.

I can be quite shy. And a live event took away my ability to control my poses/expressions to make sure whatever the outside world saw looked as good as possible. Heck, it took me a long time to just feel comfortable with regular photoshoots! In real life, someone like me is not going to look perfect at every angle, in every lighting-how many of us really do?! Well.. there were some really gorgeous models there that seemed to not have that issue. And seemed to have far more experience. But what do I know? We're far more critical of ourselves, everyone has flaws but we can see ours much more clearly than we can see them in others.

To top it off, I was going to have to walk, in heels. Oooh boy.

Shall I remind you that for a large part of my life I was a tshirts/jeans/tennis shoes kind of girl? Who's talent is not necessarily walking pretty or graceful? And outside of modeling, has very little experience in heels. At least for a photoshoot, I just have to stand there (yet that simple task can still be trickier than it sounds at times ;) ).

But I got back in the mindset that has helped me out immensely throughout this modeling thing: I just tried not to think about it, I had to just jump in. What is the point of worrying and freaking out about something when you have NO clue what is going to happen anyway?! And I had to remind myself of the fact that I was given the honor of being one of 3 models for this team. That's pretty darn cool! Not to mention this was one of my first modeling things OUTSIDE of my home state.

It was a struggle to maintain this mentality throughout the event, I'll admit. It was intimidating. I'm no size 0 and I was reminded of that quickly. There were size 0's. And they were tall. And pretty. And confident.

Stop thinking so much brain! This was an honor. And fun!

A BTS photo of our team's models. Photo: Ladie K Mraz

Event photographers were everywhere-another new thing for me... candid shots, ugh. And what are the chances they're going to edit these like a photographer would edit images from a regular photoshoot? And can I trust that they won't release the horrible ones?!--thinking TOO much again. That is out of my control. It was great practice to just be aware, however--to be aware of your face and body. Nothing wrong with practicing self awareness.

I looked around in awe. Watching these people work, as teams, to CREATE in a way that I'm not super familiar with--hair/makeup pro's can do some crazy schtuff.

We had a time limit. The hair person had to work at the same time as the makeup person. Now THAT is talent folks. My head is being jerked in one direction as makeup is trying to be placed in detail, and music is blaring to the point where there is no way for me to be loud enough to communicate to the hair artist that I think the hair dryer is actually burning my scalp-until I simply move--oops. However, outside of that, we all seemed to be in sync with each other. We all have our own tasks to focus on, yet we have to work AS A TEAM.

This wasn't so bad after all, why had worry tried to sneak in there so often?! A better question: why did I LET it?!

As I mentioned, there were 3 models on each team, for the 3 categories. My category was "natural"--my hair and makeup had to creatively be done in a way that was very natural. And I was in the very first category.

After hair/makeup was complete, we had to line up to take our turn in front of the judges. The way the venue was set up made it difficult to see our route and to see what we were walking into. But I was much more relaxed at this point, and enjoying myself and the event...

...Until my team had to be the very FIRST one judged, meaning not only was I in the first category, but also the first model to have to walk out there! Oh goodness. I had NO idea what I was doing and was reminded of that oh so quickly. Cue the high speed butterflies in my belly. So I awkwardly walked into the center of the room, PACKED with onlookers, photographers shooting my every awkward move. I tried to guess how to walk, where to turn, how long to linger and where. It felt like forever before the judges asked for a closer look. Finally, some direction! It is an interesting experience to be stared at more closely than ever by strangers, who's job was to judge--not to judge me necessarily, I reminded myself. I'm showing off the hair/makeup. That's my job here.

By the end of the event, the models in the following categories blew me away with their confidence and the personality they brought to their time in front of the judges.

Crap, I started worrying again. What if the fact I was so clueless made me so boring for the judges that I ruin this for the team?! Ah!

Scratch that, let's think about this differently...how I could approach it in the future to do better? All kinds of ideas! The past was past and I made it out alive, with lessons learned and experiences gained. ;)

And guess what? We came in 2nd!

Although I was guilty of over thinking and second guessing myself quite often, I am thankful I was able to get out of my head enough to actually just DO this, to BE there, and to stumble my way through as best as I could-even if it was awkward and not as good as others had done, or as good as I wish I could have done. I DID it! And I am so proud and thankful to have worked with such a wonderful, inspiring, and talented team who gave me this amazing opportunity.

A huge thank you to Colour Law for asking me to be a part of this. And my teammates! Ladie K (our category 3 model) was also so helpful when it came time to socializing--thank you for helping to push me to network and say hello to people when I got in my head again!

Check out the screen shot of the winner's below- I was on team Colour Law.

For more photos: www.facebook.com/NFGartist

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The kiddie camera shoot!

Photographer: 

Tiffany Lindemann

Photographer: 

Tiffany Lindemann

Have I introduced you to my goofy side yet? If not, hello. I'm a goofball. :)

Amazing how well that trait fit in with this shoot.

I had another shoot with All-Star Studios. I arrived at the studio ready to go like we usually do-a large amount of "wingin' it"...spreading my wardrobe options all over the room, hair/makeup materials hogging the bathroom, the usual.

This was an all day project. There were a few things he wanted to play around with.

Photographer: All-Star 

Studios

Part of the shoot was turned into a photo lesson for his wife--which was so much fun! To watch her learn and get a taste of what he loved to do was a pretty neat thing to be a part of. And to top if off, she was a natural! She was able to get some really great shots.

Then he and I shot a bit. Always fun and we got some more great shots. He used his photography gear to create a set--umbrellas. It was dreamlike on camera.

Photographer: All-Star 

Studios

Kiddie camera

Suddenly a new camera peaked through this "umbrella land"... a bright blue child's camera. I couldn't help but giggle! How awesome! How fun! We were going to do a surprise shoot with this- I had NO idea about this prior, but he knew I'd be up for something so silly. The purpose was to emphasize lighting, primarily, but also touched on connecting with your subject, and emoting.

The camera made silly noises... tough to keep a straight face as this brightly colored camera is making "boing" noises!

What ended up being a nice touch was the one thing we kind of feared- that the images were very low res... for this purpose however, this lower quality added a very artsy touch to the images. They looked like a painting!

Photographer: All-Star Studios

Kiddie camera

Photographer: All-Star Studios

Kiddie camera

As I mentioned, this was a full day shoot. While I was having a blast, I could feel a massive headache coming on. We still had playing to do, however! So I tried to tough it out.

Photographer: All-Star Studios

Eventually, every flash hurt. I was actually wincing in pain, and could barely keep my eyes open. Not to mention, it was getting late and I had a long drive ahead of me.

Photographer: All-Star
Studios

I decided to try something else before calling it quits... I used that pain I was feeling. I'm so glad I did, because I was able to try out other expressions and poses I may not have tried otherwise! And just for funsies, we through in a couple experimental shots... one included tinfoil on the ground, which created some neat effect.

To see more from this shoot, including additional kiddie camera photos, check out my modeling albums on my artist page: www.facebook.com/NFGartist